Many people think that having emotional intelligence means being “nice”. But this perception obscures some fundamental benefits for developing Emotional Intelligence.
The first thing that often comes to mind when someone says that a coworker is “nice” means that they are fun to work with.
For example, a manager may be polite and willing to please others. However, we may talk to self-employed people and find that the work environment they are in is toxic due to the manager. On the other hand, especially in business contexts, there are also kind people who try to avoid conflict and are therefore easily manipulated. Thus, the question arises about the relevance of working on your emotional intelligence.
In fact, being skilled at each of the four components of emotional intelligence would allow you to have confrontations when needed and in a more strategic and productive way. These components are: emotional self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management.
How do these components interact to deal with a conflict? If you are really opposed to the conflict, you can avoid it entirely. Emotional intelligence provides a happy medium between these extremes. A strong self-awareness and self-care would allow you to control your impulses or any anxiety you might feel around a conversation. A highly developed sense of empathy – which is part of social consciousness – would allow you to view the situation from the other person’s point of view, where you could present your arguments in a way that made them feel listened to. And dealing with conflict is an important part of managing relationships. Say what you mean, clearly and loudly and in such a way that the other person could hear.
However, it is also possible that certain people who exhibit certain types of emotional intelligence are overly strategic in their approaches. That’s because having strong emotional intelligence means that, to some extent, you have the ability to manage the emotions of those around you, as well as your own.
There are three different types of empathy that reside in different parts of the brain: cognitive, emotional, and empathic worry.
Leaders who develop their emotional intelligence more deliberately will be more in sync with not just all aspects of empathy, but all four of the aforementioned components of emotional intelligence. Believing that emotional intelligence simply means being “cool” overshadows what makes this framework so useful – and prevents leaders from having productive conversations that increase their ability to influence and lead.
Original article: What People (Still) Get Wrong About Emotional Intelligence
