Imagine going on a raft trip on a river. The map on which you are guided shows that you will find more curved and unavoidable places. How would you make sure you can safely cross the turbulent waters and deal with any unexpected problems?
What is resilience?
Life may not come with a map, but everyone will experience twists and turns, from everyday challenges to traumatic events with more lasting impact, such as the death of a loved one, a life-altering accident or a serious illness.
Each change affects people differently, giving rise to different thoughts, strong emotions and uncertainties. Still, people tend to adapt well in time to life changes and more stressful situations – thanks in part to resilience.
Several psychologists define resilience as the process of adapting to adversity, trauma, tragedies, threats or significant sources of stress – such as family problems, relationships, health problems or financial or workplace stressors. As much as resilience involves being able to “recover” from these difficult experiences, it can also involve deep personal growth.
While these adverse events, like the turbulent river waters, are certainly painful and difficult, they need not determine your life outcome. There are many aspects of it that you can control and modify, while it can grow. That’s the role of resilience. Becoming resilient helps you to overcome difficult circumstances, as well as empowering you to grow and even improve your life in the long run.
What is resilience not?
Being resilient does not mean that a person will not have difficulties. People who have suffered great adversity or trauma experience emotional pain and stress. In fact, the path to becoming resilient is likely to involve emotional pain.
While certain factors can make some individuals more resilient than others, resilience is not necessarily a personality trait that only a few people possess. Rather, resilience involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that anyone can learn and develop.
The ability to be resilient is one of the reasons research shows that resilience is common, not extraordinary. One example of this is the response of many Americans to the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, and their efforts to rebuild their lives after the tragedy.
Like building a muscle, increasing your resilience takes time and intention. It is important to focus on four main components – (1) connection, (2) well-being, (3) optimistic thinking, and (3) giving meaning to circumstances.
Build your links
Prioritize relationships:
Connecting with empathetic and understanding people can remind you that you are not alone in your struggles. Focus on finding trustworthy and compassionate people who validate your feelings.
The suffering that arises in the face of traumatic events can lead some people to become isolated, but it is important to accept help and support from those who care about you.
Join a group:
In conjunction with personal relationships, some people find that being active in civic groups, faith communities, or other local organizations provides social support and can help them regain hope.
Promote well-being
Take care of your body:
Self-care is a legitimate practice for mental health and for building resilience. This is because stress is both physical and emotional.
Promoting positive lifestyle factors such as a balanced diet, sleeping well, hydration and regular exercise can strengthen your body to adapt to stress and reduce the impact of emotions such as anxiety or depression.
Practice mindfulness:
A mindful journal, yoga, and other spiritual practices such as prayer or meditation can also help people build connections and restore hope, which can prepare them to deal with situations that require resilience. When recording, meditating or praying, mulling over the positive aspects of your life and remembering the things you are grateful for are key techniques for developing your resilience.
Avoid negative outputs:
It may be tempting to mask your pain with alcohol, drugs, or other substances, but it’s like putting a bandage on a deep wound. Instead, focus on giving your body resources to manage stress.
Find a purpose
Help others:
Whether you volunteer or simply support a friend in a time of difficulty, you can muster a sense of purpose, promote self-esteem, connect with others and help others in a tangible way, all of which can empower you to develop resilience.
Be proactive:
It’s helpful to recognize and accept your emotions during difficult times, but it’s also important to help you promote self-discovery by asking yourself, “What can I do about this problem in my life?” If the problems seem too big to be solved, break them into parts.
Address your goals:
Develop some realistic goals and do something regularly – even if it seems like a small achievement – that will allow you to move toward the things you want to accomplish. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unattainable, ask yourself, “What is one thing I know I can accomplish today that can help me move in the direction I want to go?”.
Look for opportunities for self-discovery:
People often find that they’ve grown in some aspect as a result of a hardship they’ve gone through. For example, after tragedy or suffering, people reported better relationships and a greater sense of strength, even when they felt vulnerable.
“Embrace” positive thoughts
Keep things in perspective:
How you think can play an important role in how you feel – and how tough you are when faced with obstacles.
Try to identify areas of irrational thinking, such as a tendency to catastrophize difficulties, and adopt a more balanced and realistic thinking pattern. For example, if you feel overwhelmed, remember that what happened to you is not an indicator of what your future will be like. It may not be able to change a highly stressful event, but it can change how you interpret and react to it.
Accept the change:
Accept that change is part of life. Certain goals or ideals may no longer be achievable as a result of adverse situations in your life. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that can actually change.
Keep a hopeful perspective:
It’s hard to be positive when life isn’t at its best. An optimistic perspective allows you to expect good things to happen to you. Try to visualize what you want rather than worrying about what you fear. Along the way, notice how you feel about dealing with difficult situations.
Learn from your past:
By looking back and noticing who or what was helpful in adversity, it can allow you to discover how to respond effectively to new difficult situations. Remember where you found strength and ask yourself what you learned from those experiences.
Seek help
Getting help when you need it is crucial to building your resilience. For many people, using their own resources and the types of strategies listed above can be enough to build their resilience.
A psychologist, for example, can help people develop appropriate strategies for moving forward. Remember that different people tend to be comfortable with different styles of interaction.
The important thing is to remember that you are not alone! While you may not be able to control all your circumstances, you can grow with them, focusing on the most important aspects of building your resilience.
